I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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