why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
