Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
