dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is my gift to your gina
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
