She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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