a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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