Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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