I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you never un-have a 4some
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
