"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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