I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
