i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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