Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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