My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
