i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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