there's paper in my vomit.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
