so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
