he wants to bone in the snuggie
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
