I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
