john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
