Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Found your dick twin last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
