Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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