Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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