I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
