you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
