Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
