Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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