I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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