Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
