Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
