grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
True college students do jello shots in the library
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