help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
