peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
