It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We had sex on a dog bed..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
