I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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