This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
