That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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