i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
