i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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