NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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