Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
