:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
