your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
