I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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