I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
