Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
