yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
