Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
