Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
