What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
