Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
