Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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